JDY is the alias I use when referring to myself in the context of the JSM. It’s a shortened version of my username, Jadday, which comes from my initials (JAD) and the fact that I made my first username on my birthday (JAD + day = Jadday).
As well as all of the general knowledge I’ve shared, there is some knowledge specific to my core that is worth documenting, and I urge any reader to do the same.
I have a few aspirations in life. Success is a broad word, so to say ‘successful’ as an aspiration is a little vague. What I really do want is to feel like I understand productivity enough to be confident in my own success, and to be in control of how I get there. What ends up being a job or a hobby isn’t so important to me, as long as I’m paid enough to afford nice things. I want to one day release my game, as that would be the culmination of many hobbies I love. Engaging with a community of players and releasing regular content would probably make me the happiest I could be. I want to earn that journey with skill and dedication, so an aspiration I will probably have forever is to keep building new skills and techniques, and never calling myself ‘done’. I also want to put the JSM out to the public someday! Theorising about success and improvement is my biggest passion, so contributing to the area would feel great. In terms of social goals, I want a great group of friends who are aligned with my interests and always make me happy. I already have this to an extent, but I’d love to keep meeting new people to find ones who are even more like-minded. I’d also love to get into a long-term relationship with a girl strongly aligned with me. I want someone to paint my nails, to review my outfits and recommend clothes that would suit me, to call when I feel sad, to go for walks with, to cook for, to show my music and art to, and so on. So I’ve got a lot of socialising to do. In a similar vein, I’d love to get a better understanding of my physical body. The best way to do my hair, a collection of great outfits, a fine-tuned physique from the gym, and so on. And of course, the aspiration to have good habits. Cooking healthy and delicious meals daily, sleeping at responsible times, removing short-form content from my life, and so on.
Then, my values. These really do shape the way I live, because I feel them very strongly. First, independence. I feel this so strongly that it borders detachment. I don’t like relying on people or things to do what I need to do, because I would want to be able to continue even if that assistance disappears. So I avoid caffeine, complex management apps, basic medicine, dependence on others and many other things, simply because doing so makes me feel happier and more proud. Next, nothing is sacred. Things disappear and change, and to get overly attached to how things are now is a very fragile and stationary way to live. For objects I like to keep, I would be content with taking a photo of them and throwing them away if the situation arose. I still enjoy the present and stay grateful for everything I have, but I wouldn’t want myself to suffer emotionally if random chance took those things away. In my mind, almost anything you could take from me could either be rebuilt with my knowledge and skill, or forgotten about. Another value of mine is safety first. When weighing up the factors in a decision, safety usually takes priority for me. The only things you could take away from me that would really hurt are myself and the people I care about, so decisions that prioritise safety are much more appealing to me than any sort of fun, pride, revenge, whatever. It’s not worth it.
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Practicing sword reverse grip. And it just makes me think, damn, me and Ben should get swords to practice with, and we should get a slackline, and do mountain climbing trips…
And then he says some annoying stuff and suddenly I want nothing to do with him again.
It’s almost like I really want to attach and commit to people, but if they don’t see eye-to-eye with me, that perfect vision I imagined gets poisoned and I detach immediately.
Does this mean I need to help myself find the right person/people, or do I need to change the way I think
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The desire to be clear and aligned.
So strongly.
I don’t even know what I want a vision for. A pipeline to express myself and create things. Internal consistency. Contentment with flaws, both my own and the ones of others, and the ones of nature. The feeling of doing well, of making progress, of having achievements, feeling good, feeling appreciated and loved, feeling confident in my choices, feeling informed and valuable and meaningful.
That alignment is all I want. All these disparate parallel lines to asymptote at one perfect, unwavering solution.
I want to feel tired in the evenings and energetic in the mornings. I never want to feel demotivated or lost. I want to always know what my next thing is, even if it’s just relaxation or partying. I want to do things consciously, being present and aware. I want clear goals, and clear paths to get there that I truly believe in and feel good doing. I want the relief of knowing that my future is successful, fun, relaxing and cool.
What is the most important thing I need? A deity to do it for? A complete manual to myself? A mentor to give me clear paths? A set of habits that compound with me? What’s the core of all this?
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I shouldn’t need a comprehensive manual to myself. You can never cover every situation.
Values are important. Knowing what you value over what. Enough to counter indecisiveness, since you know what you align more strongly with.
And direction is important. One you deeply believe in and are excited for.
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Maybe there never exists a life where all of the lines meet in perfect unison, and instead the most mature state is maintaining parallelism across many smaller strings.
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I should be going out cycling and shit.
Well, you know that things start to feel pretty easy and aligned once you settle into a routine with them.
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that thing that happens
- spend a day by myself
- brought into contact with others near the end
- act weird and secretive and cold
- leave faster next time. Engaging is a bad idea.